L ! N D S E Y & L ! V

Sweet Livvy eyes, September 2011

2012-01-30T11:27:00.000-08:00

So all of these posts are a tad bit out of order. Leave it to me to do it all on one day. These pictures were taken by Erin Lizardo and they have to be some of my favorite pictures I have of her. She looks so sweet and shy in them. It was the day of a bridal fashion show and I didn't even know Erin was taking them until they showed up in my inbox a week later. Love them. I love my daughters eyes. I think she is just the cutest sweetest thing i've ever laid eyes on...I'm writing this when she's almost 8 months old so when I see these pictures she has grown so much. She's still a little peanut tho. Time really does fly.

Stocker Cup October 2011

2012-01-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

Stocker Cup is an annual Golf Tournament that takes place in Carmel in honor of Pete's dad. It brings people from all over to celebrate and honor his memory for a 5 day tournament on a beautiful course. Each year it happens in the fall at some point (this year October) and the whole family heads down to Carmel for the fun-filled weekend. This year Pete invited my parents up to join in the festivities which includes a dinner in a huge beautiful barn with great food, people and dancing. This year was my second time attending and it's always a good time. Carmel is so beautiful and it was an extra plus having my parents there with us. Liv was as cute as can be and definitely got a lot of ooos and ahhhs. I just realized that every picture I posted on here she's wailing!! haha!! She was almost 6 months old...

Halloween 2011

2012-01-30T10:39:00.000-08:00

I have to post the silliness of our Halloween this past year. It was a last minute costume thrown together after finding wigs at a nearby store the day of Halloween. I totally lagged on getting Liv a costume. We had big plans for her to be several things but never made the order. Soooo after a quick run to Walgreens and a fabric store we had the goal to look like a mini family of off the hook rockstars. Instead after slapping tatoos all over our arms and chests (which stayed on for an extra week) Pete looked like Joe Dirt, I looked like a ghetto gangsta and Liv just hated her headband and cried until I took off her costume. It was a fun and mellow night anyway...We headed over the bridge to Marin to hang with Petes family, eat and drink and be merry and pass out candy. I have NEVER seen a street more packed and raging then in Mill Valley on that Halloween night. Kids EVERYWHERE. Wonder where we'll be in 2012?!?!

December 5th 2011, Pete's 33rd Birthday

2012-01-30T09:41:00.000-08:00

This year for Pete's Birthday we went to the beautiful Nick's Cove in Tamalis Bay. His Birthday falls on the 5th of December, (obviously i'm a little behind on my blogging) so it is very important to him that we celebrate his day of birth before decking the halls for Christmas....After spending a night at this cozy little cove, kind of a hidden treasure tucked away on the coastline with a deck over looking the bay, complete with a quaint little wood burning stove fireplace, we decided that we would make this an annual birthday tradition. It will be a getaway that we'll look forward to every year and a place that will make hubby happy on his day. Walking distance from the little cottages is Nicks restaurant, where we enjoyed a birthday dinner, with Pete's brother Erik and his wife Lindsay (two Lindsey Stockers). Liv was such an angel all dinner.
We found out that night the hard way that 6 months was too big to let her sleep unbuckeled in her carseat. The waitress kindly offered the empty table next to us to put her on. Something inside of me knew it was unsafe because she is definitely a tosser in her sleep. I went for it anyway since she looked so tucked away and sound asleep (don't ever let the guys talk you into something if your motherly instinct tells you otherwise) ( ; Next thing we know, during a yummy dinner and good conversation, out of the corner of my eye I see her wriggling her way out of her seat, and in slow motion her little body slipped out of the carseat and headed for the hardwood floor. Lindsay and I stood up and screamed (the motherly thing to do of course) which catapulted Erik and Pete to their feet dashing toward Liv. Erik, being the closest to her and the hero of the evening caught her with about 6 inches until she hit the hard floor. Ugggghhhhhhh worst feeling EVER. My heart pounded along with everyone else for the next 15 minutes. Apparently she had no clue what had happened because she awoke and gave Erik a huge smile like he had been holding her throughout her whole sleep. So happy that my wiggly baby girl was ok. A lesson learned, and a huge relief that we didn't end up in the E.R. making sure she didn't have a concussion.
Happy Birthday to my sweets and here's to a GREAT 33rd year!

2011-12-08T17:24:00.000-08:00

Today is Thursday, December 8th. I was at home all day with Liv, and realized that I was trying to keep this busy little bee (6 month old) happy so that I could scurry around and clean, and clean, then clean some more. She felt frustrated and I could tell that if she could use her words she would say mommy, I just want you to get down on the floor and be with me. Sometimes I get so over this never ending ride of cleaning, laundry, bills, what's for dinner whats for lunch, time for bed. Sometimes I get the feeling that we are robots, living in this society that tells us to go go go all of the time. Even Christmas now is a huge list of to do's that make you feel like you are never doing enough. I watched a Target commercial today that showed a bunch of people separately doing things and crossing them off of their mile long list while saying "done". It made me tired just watching it and I looked over at the sink and the morning breakfast dishes, and then down at my daughter who was looking up at me with needy eyes. I am a human being, not a human doing. Yes, of course I will do things, this grind is part of life. But what I don't want to do is get so caught up in the go go going that I forget to be, to stop and be. I feel like so many people have bought into the idea that the more you do, the more you have, the more accomplished you feel. Pete, my husband, just recently gifted me with some money to go shopping. Really sweet. After the money was gone, and I had things, I found myself wanting more things. I got sick of my things really fast. Now that I have more things, where do I have to go in my things? I mean, am I really gonna go anywhere where these things are gonna make me feel better? I'm not trying to sound like a pessimist, although I know I can be one at times. I think having Liv makes me re-evaluate often. Because the thing I never ever will grow tired of is time with her, quality time with my family, being with friends, yes enjoying the holidays, but not feeling guilty if I don't have all the decorations up by December 8th. Pete's birthday is December 5th, and he wants to make it known to me that we will celebrate his birthday before we decorate for Christmas! And yeah, we should! It is his birthday afterall, and what's the big deal in waiting one more week to decorate? I'm sitting here with cookies and a glass of milk, it is 5:50 pm, Pete gets off at 6, and tonight we are going to get our tree. What i'm excited about this year is experiencing Livs first Christmas. She is growing so much. There's nothing I would rather be doing then being her mommy.

4 months old, and Autumn in the city

2011-09-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

My sister is great at reminding me that I need to write another post...
Crazy how time gets away from me...how many things I constantly have swirling in my noggin of all that I should do or need to get done. (blogging being one of them) There is always another load of laundry, another bag to pack or unpack, it feels like we are always on the go, or the complete opposite, hangin in the loft for little peanut to have some good down time, just her daddy and i. I know the times we are living now are ones that I will wish for again come 5 years from now. There is always a part of me that is nostalgic for the past. And these moments with Liv as a baby girl will be one of those times in life I will wish for again in the future. So for now, while I have her little, I'm reminded to enjoy where we are RIGHT now, hold her a little longer, enjoy every minute with her even in the wee hours of the night when she's waking up a little extra because of teething, and kiss her tiny little soft cheeks a few extra times a day. (this little girl gets kissed A LOT). I'm okay with letting the laundry wait sometimes at this season in my life. Or else I need to stay up a couple extra hours a night to get these household things done...
Life flies by, on Sunday October 2nd she will be 4 months old. There is so much change in her that takes place weekly, daily even. She becomes more aware of her surroundings every single day. She loves pulling and grabbing her hanging toys and ends up getting pretty frustrated with them I think because she's waiting to hear them talk to her... She grabs things I put in front of her and puts them directly into her mouth, she's a little drool queen right now, but quite the talker and the fusser at certain times of the day. Also, blowing bubbles and spitting at me is her way of having conversation with me. It's the cutest thing and it makes me laugh. Definitely my fault since i've been doing that to her since day one. She's so smiley in the morning, and the best part about this past month is hearing her giggle for the first time. It usually happens when I startle her and say peek-a-boo, or peek my head over her crib after she's been playing with her furry friends...What can I say, I'm completely in love and obsessed with my daughter. We took her to her first Giants game at the beginning of September, and sadly they lost but we had a lot of fun. She stared at me the whole time from her Ergo seat and it cracked us up. I was wearing a hat and I think she was pretty curious about it. We took her to Santa Cruz this past weekend and she had her first experience on the beach and I think she quite liked it. ( :
We're so in love with her. She's the best thing that has EVER happened to us. As crazy as it may sound, Pete and I talk about having a big family and already somewhat planning on our next babe. Obviously we want to wait a little while and enjoy our time with Liv, but part of me would love to just grow our family quickly over the next 5 years. Pregnant next fall? Maybe just maybe....I love it that we have friends and cousins who are talking about starting their families soon too. Exciting times...
Pete is currently looking into a business opportunity in the foothills, which would take us out of the city and closer to my family. I think we would look at living in Nevada city/Grass Valley area if this business opportunity goes through. Right now its all in the works, and beginning stages but we shall see what happens. Never really imagined myself in that area, but you never know what life has in store... For now we are enjoying this beautiful Autumn weather in the city, taking lots of walk in the Marina, and hikes in Marin. I finally sent in my check for state board so I should be a licensed esthetician in the next few months after passing my test. I'm so excited for the upcoming holiday season, the Fall decor is out and the Halloween costume is in the works.
So much to look forward to but most importantly enjoying the moments RIGHT now, and the season we are in RIGHT now, watching Liv grow and seeing our relationship with one another grow and mature as well. All we have is right now...and learning to live in the moment is a great thing to get ahold of...

2 Months old today...

2011-08-02T23:56:00.001-07:00

I can't even remember life without you in it...
What did I do? What did I think about? What was so important?
Obviously there were things that were important, and things that took up my time...
But nothing like the heart full of love and purpose I have experienced in the past 2 months having you as my baby girl...

You are 2 months today,
Already growing so much.

At 6 weeks the doctor couldn't believe how alert and "with it" you were.
He told me that you were a smart one and that you could easily have me wrapped around your finger in no time....done.
He showed me how your little legs were already strong and sturdy by bouncing them off of his hand.
He weighed you and measured you and you've grown two inches in height and gained 4 pounds. He reassured me you were getting plenty to eat, warning me not to over feed because it would take its toll on my body.
You got a shot that day in your upper thigh and you cried pretty hard, broke my heart.
You are starting a routine, you wake up to eat at 5 am, then back up at 7...and your tired for your morning nap at 8:30. Usually i will curl up next to you and we'll snooze together in your boppy (one of your favorite spots) I quietly sneak away to get some things done around the house but look over to check on your cute little face quite often. On some days, when i'm extra sleepy i will stay and nap with you the whole time...but thats only for you and I to know about. ( ;

You're talking more and more and when you really want to say something you kick your arms and legs really fast, trying to work up the energy to get it out. The past two weekends we have gone up to Meadowood and daddy and I take you on a hike up the trail. I'm a little afraid the whole time because there is a sign warning about mountain lions. "hike at your own risk" Ahhh!! Good thing we have Baron with us to lead the way and scare off any critters. You sleep in the ergo the whole time and then wake toward the last stretch of the trail. One of your favorite things to do and one of my favorite things to watch you do is look up at the sky and the tall trees. I can see your little brain working in wonder taking all of these new sights in. You're following things with your eyes including a bird that flew over head the other day. You also love music. We sing songs all day and you fall asleep at night to a lullaby album.

It may seem silly to write all of this down, But I want to remember all of it. Time flies so quickly, and I have the worst memory./ : It's time to get some sleep now, it's getting late...This weekend we are heading up to Tahoe for a few days and then off to Yuba we go to spend a week there. Nana and Papa and all your cousins will be so happy to see you. You are so loved little girl. Sweet dreams.

My lil Drama Queen...

2011-07-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

Cute when she cries

Liv's first 4th of July in Lahontan Truckee

Poolside nap time with the cousins, Truckee

Emma was in a play this Summer. She was such a good little actress and her pretty little face shined on stage!! I had a smile the whole time.

Ella (7) and Avery (5) both just celebrated Birthdays this month! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS!! I love you SOOOO much!!! I can't believe how big and beautiful they are, and how quickly time has flown by...

A 6 mile walk around the city (Haight and Ashbury)

Sean and Changa's beautiful wedding June 3rd

Our "night out" costume party.

My sweet little Liv.

Mommy loves you so much.

There's so much to write about. Things are changing around here every day. I've been finding it hard to find time to sit down and blog. Liv is awake a lot more these days, slowly growing out of that very newborn stage. She is 7 weeks tomorrow and becoming so much more aware of her surroundings everyday. As I write this she is asleep in the ergo with her head on my chest. I'm LOVING this Ergo, it's a front pack that fits her securely and allows me to get some things done. Not to mention if she is fussy I will put her in, bounce around and she will fall asleep within a minute. (Thanks Jackie and Lindsay) It's so true what they say about newborns wanting to still be close to mommy. I will be sad when these days pass. Already she is past the days of wanting to lay still on my chest. It's the cutest thing how her head bobbles back and forth. She has discovered that there is so much to see. It's like the world around her just opened up for her in the past 2 weeks and she received her eyes to take it all in. I love the connections she is making with everyone who loves her. Last week in Yuba, we had our first conversation back and forth and i got it on video which is at the bottom of this post. (please excuse my annoying baby talking voice) She has also definitely discovered her voice and knows exactly how to get our attention. This little girl has got a set of lungs on her and this past week she received a new nickname hence the title of this post. I can't help but take pictures when she cries, and I find myself laughing a little when she wails, only because I think she looks really cute and I can tell she's got some spice in her. It's amazing how much of her personnality I can already see. She likes to be heard, she knows what she wants, she loves to play, she's extremely curious, she loves music, she's very keen and aware of her surroundings, and she loves to be paid attention to. And she's affectionate and oh so cuddly. I love everything about this little drama queen.
Already so many places we have been since she was born; 2 weddings, Tahoe for the 4th of July, a weekend in Meadowood, A week in Yuba, and all around to meet all of her baby friends. She was so happy to return home on Saturday and it was really evident that she knew we were in her safe familiar home. Nana and Papa came back to the city with me to watch her that night so Pete and I could go out for a friends 30th birthday. It was a costume party (thrown together costume) where we drove a trolley on wheels all around the city. While it was a lot of fun, I of course called every hour to check on her and nana did such a good job at making us feel comfortable to enjoy ourselves. Still, we made our own trolley stop and got off to head home to our baby at around 11:30. I love the feeling of having such a wonderful love and partner in Pete, where we are on the same page to get home to our little family. It's been so nice enjoying our loft after months of renovating. We spend our evenings making dinner, adoring Liv, and sometimes getting a movie in. We feel so blessed with so many people who already love Liv and shower her with their affections. This is one loved little girl...

(Posting this a week late...tomorrow she will be 8 weeks!! Which calls for another post)

Me and Liv

2011-07-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

I was practicing applying fake eyelashes for state board. ( :

Our first shopping trip together.

Olivia is 5 weeks old today...I'm so enjoying watching her grow and become much more alert everyday. She insists on watching me from her car seat everywhere we go, and her eyes rarely leave mine. Sometimes I wonder if I'm creating a little bit of a drama queen as she's learning quickly that I will respond quickly to her crying, and wow can she cry!!! It's a really hard thing to just let her cry. Everyone has different opinions but I mostly read that in the first few months, ignoring them while crying isn't teaching any lessons. When she cries I think she's letting me know that she wants to be close, and she has had enough independent time. And I'm okay with that. I want to cherish this time that she is little and fits so snug in my arms. She's doing so well sleeping in her own bed (right next to my bed) at night. She also loves being outside. I'm so excited to learn more and more about her little personality. She's really sweet. She already smiles a lot, when she's tired she cries her hardest. Just thinking of her little face while she's upstairs asleep makes me want to wake her up and kiss her cheeks. A few pictures of us together. We lay in bed a lot together. ( : Today we had a coffee date at the corner coffee shop and she was so content just sitting in my arms while I ate. I'm so content doing nothing but being her mommy everyday.
A few of her nicknames: Livvy, Livvy-Lou, Livvy Love, Livvy Lou-who. I'm sure there will be many more along the way.

I LOVE thsi picture of us in bed together.

Olivia Love Stocker

2011-06-30T21:24:00.000-07:00

Was born on June 2nd, 2011 at 3:37 am on a Thursday morning in Yuba City California. Today on June 30th, she is 4 weeks old.
Everyday I fall more and more in love with this beautiful little Livvy Lou Who. After a few weeks of adjusting to this new little addition and having lots of visitors I think it's time to write about her birth and entrance into this big world and start documenting all of her fun experiences and adventures
I'm so excited to document your little life, as you grow and learn, and as we celebrate all of your birthdays and holidays, and also just the normal days where I get to be home with you one on one teaching you, and watching you experience things for the first time... and excitedly awaiting daddy's arrival from work each night. Right now as I write this, you are lying on my chest asleep, your favorite place to take a nap. I'm kind of convinced that you're going to be a daddy's girl. His big strong arms and the nape of his neck are your safest haven and his calm demeanor and deep voice can sooth you in your most dramatic cry. Both of us are so completely in love with you. We spend a lot of time just staring at you and doading over all your little movements and faces. Daddys favorite thing is when you stretch out all your limbs in the morning and make all the cute squeaky noises. So far you're such a great sleeper at night, and you wake up only one to two times to eat, burp, poop, then back to sleep you go!!
I'm always hearing moms say they don't remember their kids being this little. I can already see how quickly you're growing and changing. I sit here with you Livvy and try my best to soak up these special moments. I want to concrete them in my mind in hopes that I can remember you this little. I think it's easy to get in survival mode in these first few weeks. Especially being a new mom. I have asked myself a few times, wow what did I do with my time before I was a mom? But now my time feels like it has purpose. My heart is full of love for you, and sometimes I'm struck and overwhelmed with the realization that you belong to us, and you're not just here for a visit. We get you for keeps! You are the most important gift I have ever received and I cherish you. I was amazed and will always remember experiencing the "mama bear" feeling that came over me so strongly in the first week. I would do ANYTHING to protect you, and the littlest things made me cry, like when you scratched your face the first time (obviously some hormones involved) Suddenly I was driving like a grandma, and watching closely in my rear view mirror regulating and telling people off who were driving too close behind. It's a little overwhelming being responsible for a life so little and fragile. I hardly slept the first week. I preferred watching your every breath and making sure you were comfortable and breathing perfectly. I know now why my mom has always been concerned for my well being. This is being a mommy. Things I want to remember about you now.....
I was in labor with you for 12 hours and pushed for an hour and 15 minutes, starting at 2:22 a.m.
You were 7 lbs 13 oz and 20.5 inches long.
You arrived right on your due date, the day after Uncle Josh's birthday and it was a Thursday morning.
The day you were born Yuba had tornado warnings and some family members actually saw a tornado touch down in live oak!
The people at the hospital to welcome you were mommy and daddy nana and papa aunt Andrea and aunt Heather.
You were so alert and aware of your surroundings from the very start. You recognized both of our voices and you even held your head up to try and look at us.
You are so stong. Nana came to stay with us to help the first week and she said she had never seen a newborn so alert and wide eyed.
You came out sucking and ready to eat, and latched on right away to feed, such a special moment for mommy.
You love your hands and use them to soothe yourself. You even did that in the womb. When we got your 3D ultra sound you had your hands near your face almost the whole time.
When you were just 9 days old, we took you to our best friends wedding, Jessaca and Billy. I was so worried about you the whole time, but you were such a good girl...
All of your cousins love you and Sophie couldnt wait to get her hands on you. Once she got ahold of you she didnt want to let go. I have a feeling you two will be buddies.
Everyone says you look a lot like daddy. Your hair is starting to get lighter and when it's wet it gets a bit wavy. You may just have blonde curls like your daddy did.
The moment you were placed on my chest, i was so overwhelmed with love for you. My love for you grows more everyday!!
You smile in you sleep and dream all of the time and you've even smiled at me a few times awake. i dont think its gas...
So many people love and pray for you already. Your life is blessed. I named you Olivia Love, not only because I love the name Liv, but also because I want you to live a life full of love. 'The Greatest of these is Love'. I can already tell you're gonna be a little lover, you're so so sweet.
My favorite story to remember is the first full night in the hospital I was so tired after being up all night the previous night and visitors that whole day. Andrea, Maggie's older sister said she was happy to take you into the nursery so I could rest, so I fed you and they took you into the nursery (I felt so sad and reluctant to let you go) but just 2 hours later they returned you to my room saying you were hungry and had been crying in the nursery. I was suprised that you would be hungry already, but they laid you next to me and you stopped crying, but you didnt want to eat. Silly me called the nurse back in and told her you didnt want to eat, so she took you back to the nursery. Only an hour later she wheeled you back in and said she really is hungry. Once more you were not interested in the boob, but you were so still and content laying next to me. It was then that it hit me, I was your mommy and you wanted me. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that you needed to be close to me. You knew me. After carrying you inside of me for 9 months, you wanted to remain close. A feeling I had never experienced, being a mommy. I'm so happy to be your mommy.

A Sunday afternoon Baby Shower

2011-04-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday was my baby shower, kindly thrown by my sister and my mom at my sisters house...it was wonderful to see so many faces that I haven't for a long time. It was perfect weather, and great company, and I was definitely "showered" with so many amazing gifts for this baby girl. I felt very loved, which is always a good feeling. ( : This morning Pete and I unloaded the trunk and now have a couch covered in pink frilly goodness. Now the biggest challenge lies in trying to find a place for everything. I'm so anxious for that day, hopefully soon, when the loft is done and ready and I can feel prepared to have this baby arrive anyday. For the most part on my days off, when I dont go to school, I take it easy. But this morning I took a long trip to Ikea where I met my wonderful sister in law who is taking on this loft project with me to help us get it complete. She is an architectural designer and it helps so much to have her input. My pregnancy brain doesn't allow me to make decisions very well and I would like to be Mary Poppins, snap my fingers and have it be done. When usually, I love the creative process in making something come together....once I was done walking around getting ideas and taking pictures to show Pete, I bought a HUGE $1 cinnamon roll and VERY slowly walked back to my car. I think I overstayed my welcome. My lower back and body were yelling at me to get home.

Anyway, more on the loft later, back to baby shower...the morning of, I took my niece Emma to Forever 21 with me to figure out something to wear for the shower. It was so cute the way she thoughtfully helped me pick something and how much even her 8 year old advice helped. "This Large looks a little big around the waist Emma, do you think I should get a medium?" "Well i think it would be a good idea to get a large so you'll be able to grow into it and wear it your whole pregnancy"....uhhh wow!! Thanks!! You totally talked me into the large. I just love my nieces so much and want to be apart of their lives as they grow and mature and become their own wonderful persons. I already love each of their own unique personnalities. I LOVE it that my little girl has some lovely young ladies to look up to as role models. We are really really blessed, and SO appreciative of everyone who joined us and showered us with your gifts, but mostly your presence. And Thank you a million times mom and sister for all your love and hard work you put in. It was perfect!!

XO,
Lindsey

I'M HUNGRY!!!

2011-04-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

32 weeks

Bad planning on our part...We tore out the kitchen appliances to do the hardwood floors...only now we don't have a kitchen...until next week. And I'm STARVING!! What am i supposed to eat?!? We have a refrigerator that needs food, and a toaster. I'm tired of Eggo waffles and yogurt (well actually I ate them all) Pete is at work and now i'm on my 4th pretzel stick, the really long and fat ones, and my mouth is feeling a little dry. Only, being 32 weeks pregnant, the motivation to get my butt up and go to the store is lacking something fierce, even if the corner market is 100 yards away. Pathetic I know.
I have been really spoiled in this pregnancy. A husband who loves to serve me and cook, and nothing major as far as sickness or back ache. But I get now what women mean when in the "final stretch" they are ready to be done being pregnant. I'm not quite to the point where I'm screaming get this baby out of me but i'm not gonna lie, there are a few annoyances that come with having a ball attached to your front middle at all times...
For one, im a stomach sleeper, and I wake up ten times a night and look at my husband with envy as he sleeps comfortably on his stomach, one foot off the bed, just how I like it.
I find going pee 8 times a night pretty annoying too, especially when you sit down and a tinkle tinkle comes out like i'm 2.
I am excited to have a normal sex life back, or any sex life at all for that matter.
Everything has stretched and added an extra layer and changed color. Will it all look normal again?
My face feels swollen all of the time, and in addition this wonderful sunshine has given me a nice little mustache that i've never had before, no matter what ammount of sunscreen I put on. (I know its a common thing called pregnancy mask caused by hormones) Does this all sound vain? yes!! I realize it!! But...
With all that said, I am SOOOO excited and thankful that this little one is growing healthy inside of me. No ammount of discomfort will compare to what it feels like to see her for the first time and realize that my body made her!!!! It's really really amazing!!! I have so many pregnant friends who say the same thing, "not to sound selfish, but i'm just ready to have this baby on the outside of my belly and have my body back." I think its pretty stinkin normal to feel that way. It's CRAZINESS the way everything changes and all the adjustments women have to make. And the men stand by and watch, and still drink their beer, and Pete laughs at me as I grunt loudly from being kicked in the ribs by this little mover and shaker. It's all fun, all an experience and all one that will be wrapping up within the next month and a half. I have SO much to do and SO little time!!! I'm really looking forward to my baby shower this upcoming weekend, hosted by my mom and sister in Yuba Duba....so much to look forward to...

LAZY WEEKEND...

2011-03-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

LAZY WEEKEND IN MEADOWOOD...

Just spent an amazing weekend with my man in Meadowood, St. Helena.
We want to take advantage of these days off together as much as we can before the baby arrives.
Pete's moms house is the perfect get away spot, and we love spending time with her. No better time to do it then
a rainy weekend with "predictions" of an earthquake "somewhere in California" ahem San Francisco perhaps? I was a little anxious on Saturday night after getting home from school, alone in the loft, pouring rain outside and the dog looking at me funny, so while Pete closed the shop, I packed up an overnight bag good for 2 nights for the both of us, put the dog in the back of the car, and headed to watch him close up shop at work. I must have looked like the psycho pregnant wife showing up at his workplace before he was off, but I didnt care and I thought it felt really good to be together at such a "scary time". hahaha!! No one else was scared but me!!! But one of the cutest things about Pete is he doesnt ever get worried; he really is a man in every sense of the word, and he makes me feel so safe just being with him. And he agreed without hesitation to ease my anxiety and head up to his moms. The rain was coming down so hard that night we probably would have been safer in an earthquake then driving on the road to Napa!!

On Sunday the power went out, so we used the remainder of the battery on my laptop to watch home videos, eat eat and eat some more, journal, read and nap, while he kept the logs on the fire for the afternoon. After waking up from a 2 hour nap, I found out that the power was still out so we were gonna head down the hill to meadowood and get a room for the night. Yay!!!! It felt a little like our wedding weekend and there was a couple times I found myself wishing my family could be there with us too....I LOVE waking up to the quiet morning in Meadowood, the stillness in the crisp air and the feeling like everything is at peace. Must be why I enjoy the spa atmosphere so much too....Quite the contrary to the busy alley we live in right now in the city...horns honking, sirens sirening, people yelling, dogs barking. I think i've found i'm not a city girl...the older I get the more I want to get away somewhere quiet. Is that just me? Or do you concur?
Im thankful for moments like these to get away from the busy city and spend some quality time with Pete. I cant believe in a little over 2 months we will have a baby girl addition to our family. At times it feels like being a newlywed and pregnant at the same time has been a lot to take on all at once, but I know we're only getting stronger and we will love every minute of having this new precious baby girl in our lives...

29 weeks...

Our Wedding, January 30th 2011

2011-03-11T15:56:00.001-08:00

Here is a snapshot of our wedding, done by my very talented friend Kyle Garrett. So excited to have this and watch it over and over again. I love it!! He totally captured our day...I don't know how to make it bigger!!

Lindsey & Pete from Kyle Garrett on Vimeo.

RIGHT NOW.

2011-03-11T09:46:00.000-08:00

I'm sure this post will sound pretty dramatic. But I want to remember this morning when I look back on old posts.
I had a moment this morning that comes sporadically. The moment that you just need to cry because it feels really good.
I know it sounds so hormonal, (hello!! this sounds pretty common when you're pregnant) but it feels so much more then that. To me it feels like being alive, when for a second I STOP.....................
and have real emotion, that may just be Gods way of getting me to take it all in and the good gifts that surround me. When no one else is around and I'm overwhelmed with life and everything that we take for granted. And the way our breath just comes so naturally unless something happens to our health. I have to have these times or else I will do life and forget to take a look around at where I am right now. I look back on seasons that have come and gone, and wish for them again, or wish we would have at least appreciated them more while they were here. Like looking back on old pictures when my nieces were little tiny girls with baby faces, and how they are growing up and learning more and more about life everyday....or how it's easy to find and dwell on the negative things, or the things that bother us about things in our life that we wish could change. I want to live in each moment and be present, be thankful for what life has for us right now. Not dwell or hang onto the past, or anticipate the future to the point of forgetting about right now, the moment that I will never have again.

"Be here now, no other place to be, all the doubts that linger, just set them free, and let good things happen, let the future come, into each moment like the rising sun..." ~ Mason Jennings.

Sometimes I have an overwhelming feeling of everything that I want to do, and i feel like life moves so quickly, and i'm lost as to where to start. I have to remember that it's ok to rest now, because i'm tired ....and my body is already working really hard to make this little baby. It is a season of rest. And that is good. Sometimes inspiration comes and takes over the bones and i have to remind myself to stay put. But it doesnt mean that these dreams exist for no reason. In fact, I am confident that these desires are placed inside for a reason, and in the right season will come to fruition.

6 months, and a Baby Girl!!!

2011-03-09T09:44:00.000-08:00

It's funny when life throws a little surprise at you, and exciting all the same. When you think something is going to be one way and your brain adjusts to thinking in those terms and then WHAMMY, its different.
At 12 weeks Pete and I got an ultrasound by our sister in laws parents. SO many people told us it's way too early to tell the sex of the baby, but we took the "it looks like you're having a boy" and ran with it. She even said, "Don't quote me on this" but we did. We began our planning and nickname calling as if we had a little man growing inside, baby bubba, Liam, Finn, the name kept changing. Pete was excited to have a little buddy to teach him all the manly things, and I imagined having myself a little sidekick to chum around with....
When we FINALLY were able to go get a sonogram last week, after what feels like a loooong time of waiting, the sweet lady looks at us and says, "SORRY TO BURST THE BOY BUBBLE BUT YOU GUYS ARE HAVING A BABY GIRL!!!"
We were overwhelmed with excitement and mind adjustment and the beautiful images of our little girls face flashing across the sonogram screen. I looked at Pete to read if there was a possibility of disappointment on his face but instead he had a huge smile and said he was so excited. She looked like she was sucking her thumb for a long time but once her little hand moved away from her face, we got to see her yawn, smile, and just look pretty for us. I think Pete fell in love right then and there. We excitedly got into the car and began our phone calls to the family where everyone celebrated in our excitement and laughed at the sudden change in mindset that had to take place. I feel like it took no more then 10 minutes for our minds to wrap around a little girl. We had a huge smile on our faces for the remainder of the day (we went on a date at Cafe Rouge in Berkeley and split a burger) and talked about all the amazing things we would experience having a little girl. Pete suddenly felt the pressure of being a protector to her and felt like the job of being daddy just got a little tougher. The cute thing is, God knew all along that this precious little one growing inside of me was a girl. He knows her already, forming her and preparing her for this big world, fashioning her little personnality. I have a feeling she will be a daddy's girl, but I'm so excited for all the things I get to teach her about life and being a little lady. WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!!!!! I think the name at this point is Olivia Love. I love all the nicknames that come along with that name, and the option she will have to be called Liv. For now, I call her Livvy Love and love the femininity of it. ( : I hope she gets Pete's little blonde curls that he had when he was a baby. She could look just like her daddy and I would be so happy. ( : I think my husband is a hot tamale.

Today, I am at a coffee shop while the loft gets ceiling fans and new carpet upstairs. In a few weeks we will be getting new hardwood floors installed and basically a new kitchen. So excited to have all of this completed as the time inches closer to having a baby. I can't believe that in less then 3 months we will be experiencing parenthood. Excited and thankful for this new phase in our lives. And I LOVE that I get to share this pregnancy with so many good friends who are pregnant at the same time and due around the same week that I am! Natalie Jelavich-Day, Alison Hardebeck, Stephanie Birch-Molina, Liz Siegal, and I know there are many more...it's a baby boom!

6 MONTHS AND GROWING!!!

HOW CUTE IS PETE AS A LITTLE GUY!?!?

A Splash of Color

2011-02-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

Happiest of Birthdays to my beautiful Sister...February 9th, 1980

2011-02-08T23:33:00.000-08:00

A Sister Birthday poem, To my sister on her Birthday...
Words don't define how divine it is, to know a friendship like this,
Close because we're sisters, but closer because we've grown, and we know
everything of one another, except for the special things you share only with a lover. ( ;
How lucky I am to look to someone so lovely, who loves me for me and who isn't afraid to
tell me like it is. If I tried for a moment to imagine life without you in it, I just couldn't do it and only God knew it,
That I would need a sister exactly like you. Sitting in a room with you either talking or in silence, still remains your quiet guidance that I will always need, and you will always be the big sister and the woman I always hoped to be. Thank you for being you, and always staying true to you, and being the example that every little sister needs to look up to. I will call you and ask you questions on how to be a mom, and how to cook a dinner thats bomb, and how to be a wife thats strong. Because I know you pass no judgement, and you love me right where I am. I can depend on you and know you'll be there always believing and encouraging me toward everything that is good and beauty... I'm not the only girl who looks up to you. I know there are many more, but especially your 3 beautiful daughters it's you they so adore. You only get more lovely with age because connected with it is a more steady grace, of wisdom and beauty and stability and maturity, You're beautiful sister, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, and MANY MANY more.

Love,
Your sister

The BABY Bumpity Bump

2011-02-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

I'm currently 23 WEEKS along, really can't believe how quickly the time has passed...especially with planning a wedding, and going to school 30 hours a week. I've enjoyed staying active throughout this pregnancy. I think it helps a lot. My exercise is walking 6 blocks to school and back, 3 flights of stairs six times a day, and an occasional Yoga class and walk along the SF bay. At 23 weeks, I feel energetic, and finally getting some inspiration back...most of the time. It's so sporatic. Like yesterday I felt like I wanted to conquer the world, and today I feel like i could lay in bed for half the day. But I dont let myself. GET UP, GET MOVING. I feel like i lost all creativity in the first few months, not to mention I was a little bit psycho. I hear most preggos can relate so I didn't feel so bad about myself, but really, there were times I felt like I was going nutso, and it felt beyond my control. Good thing I have a strong and patient man to see me through (and laugh at me) Feels good to be feeling a little more like me as this baby grows inside of me. I have a lot of respect for you mommies out there who do all of this with other little ones running around. You're amazing!

SOOOO, pictures of growth. The one of me in the pink dress was taken yesterday, just one week after my wedding. I really feel like he tucked himself away on the day of my wedding, and the spanx helped a bit too. Not that I was hiding you little buddy, mommy just wanted to somewhat feel sexy. ( ;

18 WEEKS ~ please excuse the nippin out. It was cold.

22 WEEKS

Beautiful Day at the bay, 2 days after our wedding.

23 WEEKS~notice the paint samples.

Other facts to remember about this pregnancy:
~I was queasy and nauseous in the beginning but felt better when I ate, (which was every 15 minutes).
~I craved unhealthy food, like fast food, soda, greasy chinese etc. Yummy Chow mein (Veggies and fruit sounded horrible.)
~I ate eggs every morning (i've heard eggs make some pregnant mommas nauseous)
~I started to feel better and more energetic at right around 12-13 weeks
~My biggest dread was brushing my teeth (made me gag)
~I TOTALLY have pregnancy brain and cant remember the simplest of words.
~My pelvic area really started to hurt at like 15 weeks (hurts to run) and has only gotten worse the bigger I get
~I felt Baby kicking for the first time on New Years Eve and he's been active ever since.
~Pete and I got married when I was 22 weeks (which is my lucky number) ( :
~His nickname is Baby Bubba.
~We're pretty sure we saw a penis at 12 weeks which is why I call him a boy. Surprise surprise if "He's" really a girl...
~I didn't follow all of the rules very well like "no soft cheese" I think you'll be ok...

A bit of this and that...

2011-02-07T19:30:00.000-08:00

OUR LOFT in it's current state...

WHOLE FOODS Rose Collection

MY HUSBAND... the day after our wedding in St Helena

THE VIEW outside our loft, Come early Spring

A LITTLE WEDDING, A LITTLE BABY...

I suppose it's time...to really start and stick to it.
I have started blogging so many times, but when life only consists of yourself, there is little to talk about and I've always felt a bit silly typing posts about the inconsistent me who wandered around, moving a lot, learning and re-learning things, trying to make something of my dreams. I know those experiences are great to look back on too. But now life feels so much more about the other amazing people surrounding life. So much has happened in the past year. In the past 6 months really. On January 30th 2011, I got married in St Helena, to the most handsome, kind hearted man I know, Peter Stocker. What will it be like to be a wife? The first week has been fun!! ( : And shortly following, on June 1st we are expecting a baby (sex still unknown~sort of) The experience of being a mommy, I have only ever romanticized about, and very soon it will be our new reality. I hear you never know how much your heart can love until you have a child of your own... if that's the truth, I can't wait to feel that love. I already love this baby and love feeling him kick inside of me (mostly in the morning and late at night) and watching my belly grow. I really started to pop this past week. He was waiting until after the wedding day...or maybe its just that I feel free to eat more now that the wedding day has come and gone. Reminder: write more about the wedding next blog.
We are doing city loft living in San Francisco, while I attend the Aveda institute for Esthiology. 3, 10 hour days a week, I tromp up 3 flights of stairs (totally out of breath at the top) to join 12 other amazing girls to learn and practice facials, waxing, make-up, massage, you name it. Something I have always wanted to do but always put on the back burner because of my dream for music. Amazing how the surprise of a baby on the way will put a fire under your booty. I feel so content, excited to dream big with a partner and best friend...I feel like the possibilities are endless with someone by your side who believes in you and supports you. I have always been a bit of a free spirit, and I feel like God put Pete in my life as an anchor and a rock who pulls my feet back down when needed.
Now that the wedding has come and gone, our newest project is renovating this loft. It has so much potential and gets so much beautiful natural light...our 1st project...picking out paint. Who would have thought this would have been such a challenge!! I have a hard time choosing when there are SO many options. What if something else was the IT color? So...the pics around our loft will consist of many paint samples scattered about our walls.. This is us experimenting, not our nutty idea of art. Ok, done for now, Lots more to post in the next few days. So inspired to Spring clean and create with this amazing 70 degree weather...LOVE it.

Just like that...

2009-05-16T00:48:00.000-07:00

Just like that...after months and months that have added up into a year or so, and how quickly time does fly, I clicked on my blog and decided to write...about... what? I'm not sure tonight...but i'm going to start this blog thing once and for all because I have the WORST memory and it will be a good "journal" that will never get lost....online for the world to see.
I just read my sisters blog and saw the picture of Ella reading to Avery in bed...and i imagined how in a short time there will be another little sister to join their family and their sisterhood, and i couldn't be more excited that there will be three of them and how they will get to grow up and experience so many wonderful things together...and they will all be best friends. and my heart was full and my eyes were full.....of tears. Oh how much i miss those girlies. Love you girls. I wish I was there with you to swim and play. Here's a picture of us....and soon there will be three. ( :

Fires...

2007-10-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

I'm in San Diego...and I am alive. The air is ashy and it's definitely been a mellow but productive week of staying indoors. I left Carlsbad because the smoke has been too thick to even breathe. I was starting to feel a little clausterphobic like i was going to get trapped. The traffic was bumper to bumper o mph. The plan WAS to go to Orange County and hang out with the girls but sitting in traffic for 5 hours or more didn't sound appealing. I'm staying in Point Loma, in an area that won't be touched by the fires, but i know a lot of people who have had to evacuate their homes and are just waiting to find out the next move...how horrible for the people who don't have homes to return to.

I'm sure this will give everybody a new outlook on life. Makes you appreciate the important things. We go through life collecting stuff...stuff that we can't take with us when we leave this place. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of everything I own and start over, reminding myself not to collect unnecessary things along the way....I'm glad that most people had enough time to grab the sentimental things that do matter like pictures and such....I know one little boy here who doesn't know if 1 of his houses was burned yet or not. Yesterday he told me that he hopes it did burn because he wants to live all of the time at his other house because he likes it better. I thought that was pretty funny and shareable.

Keep on singin...

2007-10-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

This was the last show I played. I've been taking a short break. And although it was super simple, me on the guitar, and Damon on the snare drum and lead guitar, my whole family was there, all ten of em taking up the whole front row. Emma and Ella sat in the front row singing along to the lyrics. I love the support and love of a family, and the way it builds confidence and makes you feel like you are a big time rockstar. Even if I was a rockstar for ten. ( :

I am the youngest of three, still the single one, still the wanderer, still learning how to get motivated after getting distracted, and off course...and my family has loved me and encouraged me every step of the way...sometimes I think, 'this could be my last show', or 'maybe it's time to do something adult like'...but then i have shows like this one where everyone in the audience enjoyed it and responded (there were more then just my family watching) ( : and it makes me want to keep on singin, and playing and writing and enjoying what i love to do most. Why do we second guess things all the time? I think i spend way more time over analyzing my future rather then doing things, and taking steps toward my goals... which i'm thinking needs to change reeeeal soon here.

On another note...
It was my moms 50th bday weekend, so... much to her surprise i called her up on stage to sing 'Leaving on a jet plane' with me. It's a song she sang to us kids while growing up. It's a moment i'll never forget as cheesy as that may sound. The picture is us looking at each other in a moment of both forgetting the lyrics! haha!

I am a blogger as of today... ( :

2007-10-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

So I woke up today, and checked my sisters blog. And suddenly I decided it would be a good idea to start one of my own. I'm at such a strange place in my life right now...it might be fun to let the whole world read about it and tell me their thoughts. Maybe give some helpful advice. ( : Just kidding. I look forward to connecting with people I haven't for a long time...and posting pictures of my sister when she first wakes up in the morning. It's payback time. haha!

I love this season. I wish it felt more like fall, but since I live in Sunny San Diego, I will have to settle for the 80 degree days and the leaves that turn only a shade lighter then green. I still try to wear warm fuzzy sweaters but I only end up sweating by noon. But it's funny to me how people change with the seasons too. I talked to my sister this morning and we have both been feeling like we want to change everything. (and i'm talking about the silly stuff) I get this overwhelming desire to empty my closet in its entirety and start fresh. Which would leave me naked because I have no money. BUT we made a plan on Monday to get a new hair do, and have Gabe watch the girls while we spend HOURS trying on a new Fall attire at cheap stores like Forever 21. That's right Gabe, hours. ( ; How fun that will be!! We haven't been shopping together without two little ones for quite some time. So a date it is...even if I just end up with a new scarf.

I miss the Fall times in Nashville...the aroma of pumpkin and caramelized praline scented candles filling our apartment, going to coffee shops with Ami and Sarah to read and talk and sip on Pumpkin Spice lattes or Carmel apple cider, new jackets and scarves, bundling up and going for late night walks, Thanksgivings at the Dodson household...and the scenery...the trees and the colors are indescribable.....I need a camera!!